Category Archives: Fiction/Creative

What I am Failing to Remember

I keep feeling like I’m on the cusp of remembering something, and everything I do in a given day contains bits and pieces of an overarching design that I need to recover. It’s like the feeling of a recurring dream, … Continue reading

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Staring at the End (Prose)

Mostly my frame of reference is at the edge of some yawning precipice, open throat of the Earth, and any spell of vertigo might send me tumbling off into the depths. There is a constant gravity in the off-kilter pull. … Continue reading

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Staring at the End

Mostly my frame of reference is at the edge of some yawning precipice, open throat of the Earth, and any spell of vertigo might send me tumbling off into the depths. A spinning tunnel, haunted house; constant feel of the … Continue reading

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Stonelike

Fears. With eyes shut tight the heart rides waves of tension in my chest, squeeze of electric impulses. Tides of resistance swell and recede. My hero’s gone, and in his place stands but a cheerleader whose words remind me that … Continue reading

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Isolation, Artifacts

Sometimes it takes the whole world stopping to rediscover what you love. When things come to a grinding halt maybe you first glut yourself on the vices you’d used to distract yourself from misery. Maybe the very things you’d framed … Continue reading

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kaleidoscopes

the feelings that move in me like slow kaleidoscopes or the impressions of perfection that pierce my chest and make me melt like taffy, a bug tumbling in thick amber or a child who’s jumped into a pool shift all … Continue reading

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Perched

Do I love you because I am melancholy? Is it simply due to hours expended that I am expectant, waiting, entitled in my way, and you oblivious, or else unwilling— the cliff ahead we face yet you are turned away, … Continue reading

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Vision/Winter

She said I had a “distinct lack of vision for the future.” Maybe I had imagined “distinct,” channeling some ancient jargon on my elementary school report card, a long-lasting impression of shame I’d applied to myself as a functional adult. … Continue reading

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How to Fall in Love Completely

The first step is to invest in yourself. Become your own best friend, then your own boss, then your own stockbroker. Take risks. Risk it all—be silly, do stupid things, do everything. Do it with the desperation and conviction that … Continue reading

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Do I Dare Dream Again?

Do I dare start to dream again? Is it time to put all these woes and all these trivialities behind me? Do I once again sweep away all of the presumed things of importance to open up that space, crepuscular … Continue reading

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Geometry of Dreams

The things that I’ve dreamt about before are no longer relevant, no longer show up in my dreams—all the myriad places and happenings and locations portrayed in shimmering detail, my brain building tiny simulations geographic and geometric in its quest … Continue reading

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Sandcastles/Spinning my wheels

If only they could see that none of these things scratch the surface, that all of the things I’ve done and all of the stories that I tell about myself are just hollow excuses, and they don’t really mean anything … Continue reading

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Time is on my Side

Time is on my side. The buds of spring appear before my very eyes; the leaves spread open in the sun for me to watch. They say the moment rests upon a razor’s edge, the past behind, the future gone— … Continue reading

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The Immersion of Memory

It’s dumping down outside, mazes of pockmarked rainwater running everywhere on the ground. My life is made up of memories—this shirt I got from a different place, reminding me of this person—every piece of clothing on my body is linked … Continue reading

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Do I Not Have This Same Love Still Within?

Do I not have this same love still within? This sweet pain of the heart—fledgling bird that once I fought for, bled for, as it flew into the outer world— is dead, a tragedy, for its enduring memory and my … Continue reading

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Falling

Falling in love is like autumn. Small, perceptible changes begin to take place—veins of color slowly changing shade—and one at a time the leaves begin to fall. The feeling, the anticipation of the event comes first; in crisp individual moments … Continue reading

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Meditations on Death

The time before you hold your breath, the time leading up to the dive, is the most important part. You breathe with intention, in and out, a steady rhythm. The goal is to achieve absolute physiological calm, and this takes … Continue reading

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The Stone Within My Self

When I hold you, like a looking glass I bring your ghost to life. I condense your spirit into something tangible; it sparkles in the sun in my eye. When I hold you close I make you real, and take … Continue reading

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Seedlings

  How can I look back on you with anything but reverence? How to cast the eye of memory back to any of the times we shared and not be humbled, have my heart melt and the coil within my … Continue reading

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The Call to Life

When all else is taken away, there remains only the basic urge, the never-ending summons, the constant pull towards the unknown and the insane excitement of new potential just coming into focus on the horizon. There is only the adventure … Continue reading

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How To Live (in this Shitshow)—Introduction

I. Living with Yourself II. Living in Society III. Living with Others The purpose of this book and the purpose of my life have long been one in the same. For the longest time I’ve been obsessed with the idea … Continue reading

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Words from a Friend

Life that life man. Be your self man. Do those things man. Don’t be scared man. Climb those rocks man. Read those books man. Get that girl man. Write those words man. Do your best man. Try it all man. … Continue reading

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Doubt and the Butcher

Lay me to the bone, oh Lord, and vivisect me whole, should you exist. Cut through these layers of monotony, this sense of ought and should and duty, and let me know there lies, beneath the flesh, some metaphysics I … Continue reading

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Based on a True Story

An angel graced me from above, and filled my life with love and light. She shone as fierce as any sun; I saw her star within so bright. The calm of many days has passed since she enmeshed herself with … Continue reading

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Winds of Change

Winds of change, take me far away from here. When you blow across my skin, bearing scents of far-off isles, I tingle too, thinking of your possibilities, dreaming, looking ahead to untold adventure, the promise of the unknown, the ecstasy of … Continue reading

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Habituation

I’ve long fancied the idea that, since we are all products of our environment, were our environment ever to change radically, we could become completely different people overnight. As you go about your day, think that you always open the … Continue reading

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HARD MODE++

I’ve often dreamed of the “hard levels.” Unlocked after beating the game, they are so difficult that they are a lifelong endeavor to complete. Bordering on impossible, they provide a precise balance of frustration and reward, obstacle and progression, pushing ever onward at the … Continue reading

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Delirium

Life is absurd. The connections within are sometimes so deep and so abundant that they start to become meaningless. The patently absurd becomes profound—watching The Expendables in a taqueria at 10PM. A white boy laughing at an explosion on a screen, surrounded by people … Continue reading

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Recognition, Recollection

I work downtown in a relatively small area. I see hundreds of faces on any given day. I live in the same town I went to college in, and there are old faces everywhere: anyone I recognize could be someone … Continue reading

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Object Identity

They say that every seven years, the cells in your body undergo a complete replacement. That is, compared to you seven years ago, there are none of the same cells in you that used to be there. By this logic, … Continue reading

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My Love like the Sun

My love like the sun shines from within, chemical compounds reacting, rebounding; the warmth spreads outwards and touches all of those who choose to venture out of doors. To love like a taser, cables spitting snakelike outwards, electric pitons piercing two … Continue reading

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Fever Dream

Wake up from this fever dream, and set the caged bird free. I thought I had a dream to live— But it was someone else’s dream!

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Years

I am often afraid that the years will leave me. If I stop pursuing, if I take a break, someone will catch up to me, proving me fraud, and all the capacity that’s come to me over the years will … Continue reading

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Compassion

Sometimes I picture my compassion as a small bubble residing in the stomach, a moist expansive thing which is too cloistered most of the time. Sometimes my breath makes it bigger, filling up inside me like a hot air balloon. … Continue reading

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Sea Caves

There are caves hidden within each man, very deep caves, which have been carved into the stone of his soul as the water carves when it hits the cliff at shore’s edge. When the waves roll in they crash through … Continue reading

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The Shakedown

In my dreams, everything falls down around me. I try to hold it all together, but I can’t, I can’t. I pick these things back up, but only get props for taking the blame, for knocking over something clean when … Continue reading

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Circles

A spinning box of rainbow rosepetals, swirling behind eyelids black with night— emotions folding inward, inward, like tired ghosts joining the collective soul. Downsize your dramas—mould like clay, until you are dense, refined and lovely, perfect in impenetrability. These are … Continue reading

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Kayak

Paddle through the breaking waves. All is broken blue; shattered water, strewn clouds above. Pierce the final crest; you’re in the clear. You glide. The pull of the sea, the pull outwards. Keep paddling—left, right. You’ll make it to the … Continue reading

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Wear

The clothes you love are not the newest, the shiny dresses all in vogue. Your favorite clothes have stood the test of time—they’re worn ragged, they are frayed. They’re no longer here. They get thrown away. My clothes are mostly … Continue reading

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Oblivion and Understanding

In the beginning, we are given an impulse towards life, sent off like spinning tops with an initial velocity and rotation. Like tops, the paths that we carve out through space and time are largely determined by the initial force … Continue reading

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What is lost?

What is lost? When you are five minutes late, and your friend didn’t mind waiting; When you rush somewhere and in doing so forget about where you already are; When the place you were going to ends up not mattering … Continue reading

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Travellers

To be human is to be hungry. Our life, just like our metabolism, is a perpetual cycle driven by temporary satisfaction. We are born hungry. We find food, and the body digests it, giving enough energy to continue searching for … Continue reading

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The Sea at Westcliff

Every day during my senior year of college I would walk along Westcliff Drive. The first thing that struck me was the view—there’s about a mile of exposed cliff face overlooking the Boardwalk, the beach, and the bay between the … Continue reading

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Psychic Powers

I want, above all, to have psychic powers. As a matter of fact, I’m convinced that I do, or that I’m on the verge of having them. Think about it: mind control, reading people’s thoughts. Psychics, like Jean Grey from … Continue reading

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The Perma-Stoke

As the years have come and gone, imparting me with new knowledge and experiences, my life’s goal has become increasingly clear: to achieve the elusive perma-stoke. It’s self explanatory. To be perma-stoked is to be stoked as hell, permanently. Take … Continue reading

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Cross-eyed

My favorite point of the view is the too-close, the cross-eyed, where the frame of your own body alters the thing you’re looking at; the uncommon times when you can see yourself in relation to something else. Under the covers, … Continue reading

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A Secret

In the bathroom of the house I grew up in, there was a peculiar light fixture. Four or five lightbulbs were mounted on a brass backboard, above the sink and mirror where I saw my reflection each morning. Long glass … Continue reading

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My Furiously Beating Heart

My furiously beating heart pumps blood like punches as I lie and try to sleep. I can’t succumb to what I’m not; it demands to take hold of this moment like a prisoner. The pressure of each beat is a message … Continue reading

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Bits and Pieces

When you first meet someone, it’s only a glance. You fall in love with a sidelong gaze, a vague peripheral impression, fleeting eyes on the bus. Your first idea of someone is a disconnected image which floats around in your … Continue reading

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Folds

I want to swallow you up like a pelican encase you in the warm folds of my neck and, stretching, yield to all your struggles until you stop moving.             This was a poem I … Continue reading

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